Cancer vs. Nurture vs. Nature

Everyone knows the old debate about children's personalities: "is it Nature or Nurture"? Living with an almost 4 year old with cancer, the debate going on in our minds is: "is it Cancer or is it Nurture or is it Nature?"

Since Alex is our first child, we don't have any frame of reference as to what is "normal" behavior for a 4 year old, and what is behavior that is being shaped by the chemicals raging through his body (some may argue NO ONE has a frame of reference, as each kid is unique...).

Are they distinct behaviors? Or, is one inseparable from the other and this experience will be part of his developing personality forever - the good and the bad. I tend to believe that the two are intertwined. That every experience alters us all - and going through cancer treatment, while also trying to define your very independence has got to be rough on anyone, especially a 4 year old.

We have been told that children who survive cancer become some of the most empathetic, amazing human beings. I can see that in Alex. Since we are part of a great adoption triad (adoptive parents, and adoptee), we were eager to see how much Alex grows up like his birth-family, and how much of our behavior is "contagious". At this point, who knows if it is the Cancer, Nature, or Nurture ruling his development - at this point, I don't care, as long as he survives this awful disease, and grows up into the most amazing human being he can be.

I think in the end, the experience of battling, and defeating cancer will help Alex develop great coping skills, and a sense of deep compassion for others. I hope that Alex also gets some of wonderful traits from the Nature side of the equation (his birth-family), and that we can Nurture him into combining all of these experiences into a well-adjusted, human being.

Today, I asked some of my friends, who have children the same age as Alex, if the frustrating behavior he has been exhibiting is "normal" for this age. I was glad to hear that while his behavior might be a little bit more extreme than his friends, that for 90% of the time, he is just acting like a "normal" 4 year old.

Next Chemo cycle, steroids start again - all behavior bets are off at that point. We are already steeling ourselves for the 'roid rage that rears it's ugly head during that time.

Until then, I'll just take a deep breath, and remember, I'm not alone - there are plenty of parents all over dealing with the behavior challenges of a "normal" 4 year old.