Dear Tessa

Dear Tessa,

I am not sure how much of this time you are going to remember. You were only 8 months old when Alex was first diagnosed with cancer. We only had 5 short months of "normal" before cancer came and disrupted our lives again.

Now you are the same age as Alex was the first time. I realize how much the doctors and us expected out of Alex, and yearn for you to stay young and innocent much longer than your brother got to.

I love hearing you sing string-of-consciousness songs, such as: "I am walking down the stairs...walking down the stairs...now I am going potty...I am going PEE!" My heart just swells when I look at you.

This isn't fair. This isn't fair at all. You should have equal time with us and your brother. We should all spend each night under the same roof. We should all eat together, and laugh, and have tickle wars together. All of us. It isn't fair.

I want you to know how much fun I have had with you today. Yesterday, you walked into Alex's hospital room, and noticed all the tubes, buttons, and lights. You took it all in. You were so excited by the Ritz Cheese Cracker Spread package that Alex shared with you.

You ran through the hallways of the unit like you had been doing it all your life (oh, ya...you almost have). We headed home, and had dinner with Grandma Diana, Grandpa Bob, and Great-Auntie Bonnie.

Today, you woke up, and crawled into bed with me. After a while, we got up, and had pancakes and sausage. Then, the fun began. We put on our gardening gloves and shoes, and dug up potatoes from the garden. It was like digging for treasure! As you like to say (with one eye closed), "aaarghhh ladies!"

After we were completely dirty, we came in, and you took a bath. You started showing me what you leaned in swimming class. You are quite a water baby! I can't wait until I can come and watch your swim skills in action.

My friend, Erin invited us over to play for a few hours. So, we headed over there, and you played so well with her three kiddos! After an enjoyable afternoon, we headed up the hill with a present for Alex from Erin's family.

You jumped into Alex's room, showing him the new Phineas and Ferb movie. For about two hours, we were all together, watching a movie, laughing together. It made my heart feel so good. You and Alex play so well together, and I am so glad you two are friends. Your smiles, and pure joy, lifted so much weight off my shoulders.

After the movie was over, we ate dinner in the cafeteria, and headed home. You fell asleep on the way home, and I carried you sweet body straight to bed, where I hear you now softly breathing/snoring in the room next to me.

I love you, sweetheart. With all my heart. We are working so hard to get your brother healthy, so we can continue laughing together...for a very long time.